How to deal with anxiety about group therapy
Being nervous is a normal response before starting group therapy. The idea of participating and sharing with others you do not know can be daunting. You may notice a natural resistance that makes you want to shy away from joining and it might be difficult to think about being vulnerable, or sharing parts of your life. These questions around groups are healthy, especially since it is our brain’s job to protect and keep us safe, especially in social settings and unknown or new experiences.
Feeling in control is a way that we can create predictability and safety for ourselves. Though this is helpful in many ways, it can also keep things at ‘status quo’, or work against any gains we are trying to make through change or improvement. With any change, we can notice apprehension and a natural fight within us to not want to do something because it is uncomfortable and out of our realm of experience. This reaction is a natural part of our defense system because there is natural and normal anxiety around letting go.
In some ways group therapy is not about giving up control, but instead about finding your voice in a social setting. Though it can be incredibly nerve racking at first, group therapy can be a way to soften our defence systems so we can understand what it is like to have different experiences in relationships.
Outlined below are some perspectives to consider before starting a group. You may find some of these points helpful to manage your nerves or apprehension around attending a process group.
Knowing someone from the start. Before starting the group you will already know one of the facilitators. Establishing a prior relationship with someone who will be in the room can help create a sense of connection and familiarity. The group facilitators are responsible for initiating connections and establishing a sense of safety and trust each session. Like an evening at a new restaurant you may not know entirely what to expect but there is a sense of safety in knowing that the chefs are professional and know what they are cooking.
Others will be nervous. You may find comfort in knowing that others in the room will likely share your experience of nervousness about starting a group. Often the first group is the most difficult as it is the ‘most unknown’ and vulnerable feeling. As cliche as this might sound, it can be very powerful to remind yourself that starting something new is usually the most challenging. Before the group begins there may be silence or a few participants chatting; however this can vary from group to group. You might find it helpful to remind yourself that this is a risk, which is scary, yet also empowering as you are putting yourself in a new and uncomfortable situation. Remember that in a group you are always with others.
Relationships take time to build. Deep relationships often are not built based on one interaction, they take time. With starting the group, remember that there will be a gradual evolution of a group and that it will take a few sessions to get into a rhythm and feel comfortable. In the first session you will be asked to share your name and likely a bit about yourself. There is no expectation that you need to share more than what you are comfortable with. At times there may be invitations to share more but the choice to share and how much to share remains with you. Keep in mind that you can set boundaries for yourself as you need and that this is a way you can control your own safety and pace in relationships.
We connect through emotions. We all have stories and bring a wide array of experience to a group. Though there are many differences within a group, there are also many similarities. One of the main ways we connect in groups (like family, friends, work) and through group therapy is through making sense of emotions. Emotions can be a bridge to understanding how someone experiences an event or what it is like to live their life. It is likely that others in a group will be feeling nervous about starting a group, though it may seem strange, this shared feeling might actually be a way that the group can start to bond and talk about experiences.
